Begin Again
by SavannahHarris27
Summary: A chronicle of Honoka and Tsubasa's friendship, from childhood onward, and the trials and pressures of following your dreams.


**It all started when we were kids, innocent, nothing could hurt us then.**

She walked into class and simultaneously walked into my life. I remember that day like it was yesterday. The teacher opened the door, and in walked a small girl, not any older than ten. I remember her looking frightened, but strangely content with her new surroundings. Her hair was the color of chestnuts, her eyes the color of emeralds. She had short awkward bangs and gripped her lunchbox so tight I was worried she was going to break it.

She looked around the room in fear, her eyes widening when she saw the large class. The teacher prompted her to introduce herself. "Uh-uh-um m-my name is K-Kira Ts-tsubasa and um...it's nice t-to meet you a-all…" The class looked at her with disinterested eyes while I only stared. She was so pretty and she seemed nice, but she was so scared. I felt bad for her.

The teacher realised she wasn't going to say anything else and pat her shoulder. "Alright Kira-san, take a seat next to Kousaka-san, okay?" The girl nodded, shuffling down the aisle towards me and sitting quietly. I turned and smiled at her. "Hi! I'm Honoka Kousaka! But you can call me Honoka, okay?" She gulped a little, clearly scared. "Oh-uh-um yeahhh okay...i'm Tsubasa." I laughed. "I know silly you just said it!" She jumped a little. "Oh i'm s-sorry!"

I laughed. "You don't have to be scared. I don't bite! I mean, even if I wanted to I just lost two of my teeth so it would be kind of gross! See look!" I pulled my lip back to show her. She looked curious, but laughed, a small tinkling noise. I smiled to myself, happy that I was able to make her stop being so scared. The teacher started speaking, so we immediately silenced, turning to the front of the room. Suddenly a piece of paper landed on my desk. I looked over at Tsubasa who was looking forward.

I opened the small folded paper to see clean script-like handwriting. _Let's be friends._ I turned to her and smiled, while tucking the paper into my pencil case. I didn't have any best friends, maybe I had finally found one. The thought comforted me as I listened to the lesson.

The next months were a blur of fun. Tsubasa opened up to me, and I learned soooo much about her. She liked to sing and dance, and she loved purple. She hated wasabi and loved ginger. She also loved my hair, and always braided it at recess. She said her mom wouldn't let her grow her hair long like mine, so it was fun to play with mine. Her mom was strict it seemed, but it was fine.

Every day at recess she would sing and dance, sometimes choreographed routines and sometimes her own. I clapped for her every time no matter if she did good or bad. She always invited me to join in but I declined. I didn't really care about singing or dancing, it never interested me. I was content on watching from the sidelines, it was easier that way.

Soon the months passed and it was time for graduation to middle school. I was excited, because Tsubasa and I got into the same school. And I just knew we would be in the same class because of our last names. I was super excited, especially since we would finally be able to walk to school together. She lived a few blocks from me in a high end apartment building. I knew Tsubasa was fairly rich, but she didn't talk about it, so I didn't ask.

I was just happy to finally have a best friend. Tsubasa was amazing. She was nice, and funny, and talented, and everybody loved her! It was like my wishes came true.

 **Then we were in middle school, and everything changed.**

It started out normal. We had the same class, everything was great. And every day we would walk outside to have lunch together. We didn't have any other friends, but all we needed was each other. Then one day when we were eating lunch she finally asked. "So who are they anyway?" I looked up to see the two girls who walked past us every day. One had long purple hair, the other bouncy orange. They were tall, slim, positively beautiful. I smiled at Tsubasa. "Erena Toudou and Anju Yuuki. You haven't heard of them?" She shook her head, munching on her sandwich.

I took the initiative. "Well, they're suuuuper rich and suuuuper popular apparently. They also love singing just like you!" Her eyes widened. "Wow…" I smiled. "Yeah, but they would never talk to people like us, they're above us all. You can tell."

 **I was so wrong.**

The next week Tsubasa didn't come to lunch, said she had something to do. Halfway through lunch she came bursting out of the building, face red in shame. I stood up abruptly as she ran to me. "Tsubasa what's wrong?" She burst into tears. "I'm sorry for leaving you Honoka! Erena and Anju wanted to talk to me and they said you couldn't come! I knew it was mean but I really wanted to go!" I looked at her. "Tsubasa it's okay, I don't mind. But, what did they want?"  
Her tear-streaked face lit up into a smile. "You'll never believe it! Honoka, do you know what a school idol is?" I shook my head, unfamiliar with the term. She sat down, prompting me to do the same. She reached into her bag, pulling out a magazine. "Erena gave this to me, look at them!" I flipped through, seeing girls in cute costumes. "I don't get it…" Tsubasa looked shocked. "They SING and DANCE and they wear cute outfits and everything!"

I smiled. "Wow, that's super cool! But...why did they show you this?" She shrugged. "Erena said she heard I liked to sing so she wanted to show me this, I guess they were just being nice." I nodded. "Yeah...I guess...i'm just wondering what this means…" SHe looked confused. "Why does it have to mean something? They just want to be friends. And you'll never guess what else!" She paused for emphasis. "They want ME to have lunch with them tomorrow! Me! Isn't that awesome!"

I frowned a little. They wanted her to have lunch with them...not with me. I would be alone again. "Yeah that's nice…" She noticed my sadness. "Don't worry you can come too! It's okay!" I smiled. "Really?! That's awesome, maybe we'll finally have some new friends." She giggled. "Let's hope. Come on, finish your food, the bell's about to ring." I complied, excited about the next day.

 **It didn't go as planned.**

As soon as we walked up to their table I was met with critical glares. The two perfectly impeccable girls were picking me apart with merely their eyes. Everything about me was suddenly wrong. When we were about to sit down Anju coughed. "Tsubasa, when we invited you we invited just you, make sense?" She looked at her, then at me. "Oh…" At that moment I began to feel panicked, awkward, stupid. It only intensified when Erena glared at me. "Go on, we have stuff to talk about."

I looked to Tsubasa, but she was already sitting down and pulling out her lunch box. I didn't look back as I walked away, shoulders slumped. She didn't need me, she had them. I was alone.

It only got worse in the following weeks. They asked her to sit with them almost every day, they walked with her to class, flocked her like bodyguards. And I was reminded that I wasn't welcome every time one one of them shot a steely look my way. Tsubasa didn't even notice I was gone. She looked so happy with them, always smiling and laughing, hanging on Erena's every word. She had new friends now. We weren't a duo anymore.

I only saw her when we walked home together, it was our only alone time now that they were asking her to hang out on the weekend more often. She talked about them of course, but she always talked about idols. She loved them, and it was endearing. I could tell by the way she talked that she wanted to be one, even if she didn't know it yet. I just knew it. And I knew I was going to help her no matter what it took.

The next two years went by in a flash, but they were just as miserable as the first. I barely saw Tsubasa a lot of the time, she was always with them. I noticed she started wearing makeup, started putting more effort into her appearance, all because of them. It was always them.

But I also noticed a change in myself. I found myself looking at her differently. I noticed how pretty she was, how cute her laugh was, when her uniform fit her just right. I think that's when I noticed I had a crush on Tsubasa Kira.

One day we were walking down the same path, past the steps to the local shrine. Tsubasa stopped. I turned to her, confused. "What's wrong, Tsubasa?" She was looking up in awe. "I want to go up there, come on! I'll race you!" Before I could protest she ran up the stairs, prompting me to follow. I ran up the steps, winded after the first few. It was exhausting, but eventually I reached the top, along with Tsubasa.

She immediately walked over to the area overlooking the town. I walked over to her briskly, out of breath. "T-Tsubasa? What are we doing here?" She didn't respond at first, merely looking out into the distance. Her short hair blew in the wind. "I don't exactly know...but I know there must be something for me up here." I smiled. "Well, whatever it is, I hope you find it." She turned to me. "Honoka...I have something to tell you."

I frowned. "Yes, what is it?" She mumbled, low so that I couldn't hear her. I leaned forward. "What?" She looked up abruptly, smiling. "I want to be a school idol!" I smiled, I knew this information already. But then, to my surprise, she turned to me, extending her hand. "And I want you to be one with me!" My eyes widened, not processing what she said. "You what?" She laughed. "I said, I want you to be one with me!" I shook my head. "No way, no, I can't sing or dance."

Tsubasa reached out and grabbed my hand. "You can do anything you want in life. Come on, let's have some fun for once, before we have to actually be adults. We have three more years together and that's it. Let's make the most of it!" I smiled at her. "You have a point but I still don't know, what if I can't do it?" She let go of my hand, gesturing in the air. "I believe in you, so I know that we can do it! Let's take Otonokizaka by storm!"

I laughed, her excitement was infectious. "You have a deal Tsubasa. Let's do it!" She laughed, enveloping me in a bone crushing hug. "I don't care what they said, you'll always be my best friend forever!"

 **I should have paid attention to that sentences wording.**

Over the next few weeks we started working. Tsubasa said we wouldn't be able to be school idols until we started high school in a few months, but we could get ready before then. She started showing me how idols danced, and to my surprise I picked it up really easily. And when she showed me how to sing, I realised I actually wasn't that bad at it. It was a little fun but I had to remember, I was doing this for Tsubasa, not for myself.

It was in those next few weeks that things started to get weird again. Erena was always watching us, always with eyes narrowed into slits. She was angry about something, but I didn't know what. She still ate lunch with Tsubasa and Anju but I wondered...what was she planning? She didn't look at Tsubasa like she was a friend, she looked at her like she was prey, waiting to be killed. I knew she was planning something, but I didn't want to alert Tsubasa.

And then it happened. Tsubasa sort of stopped working on our idol "debut". She always canceled our dance practice, always had some excuse as to why she hadn't written any lyrics. I was okay with it, I knew she must be busy. But then, things started getting fishy. Whenever I mentioned anything about Otonokizaka, she got a little...upset. She refused to talk about it, it was like she shut down. I was suspicious, but I knew she was probably just stressed out because of exams. It was okay.

Then everything crashed to the ground.

The next week I was walking home from where we were supposed to have dance practice, but Tsubasa canceled again. She said she had to pick something up for her Mom. I had given up trying to figure out what she was doing, until that day. Imagine my surprise when she walked around the corner with Erena and Anju, all three carrying clothing bags. They were all laughing, Tsubasa in the middle, looking like best friends. I called out to her. "Hey Tsubasa, I thought you had to pick something up for your Mom?" She saw me and her eyes widened, her old stutter coming back. "O-oh Ho-Honoka hi! This isn't what it looks like." I shook my head.

"You didn't have to lie, you know. You could have just told me you had plans with them, it would have been alright. But i'm curious, what's in the bags." Tsubasa's face turned red. "Oh you know, just some clothes…" Erena grabbed the bag from her. "Oh come on Tsubasa, let's show her." She held it out of reach from a protesting Tsubasa as Anju unzipped it. My heart stopped when I saw the contents. It was a brand new UTX uniform.

I turned to Tsubasa. "What the hell is this?" She looked at the ground, not wanting to speak. Erena laughed. "What does it look like? She's not going to your dingy old school, she's going with us, to UTX." My face started heating up. "I can't believe this, I can't believe you. Tsubasa, tell me the truth." She mumbled, too soft for me to hear. "What?" "I said she's right!" Her eyes were bright with rage. "I want to be a school idol! And Erena said the only way to do that is to go to a popular school like that! I'm following my dreams!"

I balled my hands into fists. "How can you follow your dreams by hurting other people! You lied to me! And anyway, i've had it with you! Erena said this, Erena said that, Erena is perfect oh my gosh! You never shut up about her! It's like you worship the ground she walks on! And you left me! You barely talk to me and then you expect me to be there when you need me! Well i'm tired of this!"  
Tsubasa's face steamed. "Well i'm tired of you! My friends are right, all you do is hold me back! You have no talent and you think that you're better than everyone! I don't want to be an idol with you anymore, I want to be an idol with them! I wish I never met you Honoka, you're just a freak!" I stepped back, hurt evident on my face. Erena and Anju looked as smug as ever. Tsubasa's face fell as she realised what she said. "Honoka...I-" I didn't give her a chance to finish, running away before she had the chance.

 **I never spoke to her again.**

I saw her everywhere, after we went to high school. She, Erena, and Anju formed a group called A-RISE, and as much as I hated to admit it, they were good. They got insanely popular and everywhere I went I heard one of their songs. I was so sick of it. But, I didn't need her anymore. I realised that Tsubasa was just a selfish idiot. She didn't deserve my friendship, or my love.

I made new friends, these girls named Umi and Kotori. They were both really nice, and much more loyal than Tsubasa was. Overall, my first year of high school was great.

I started my own idol group in my second year, we actually started getting pretty popular at first. I knew Tsubasa must have heard of us. After all, we were the only idol group to rival hers since they began activities the last year. But strangely, we never heard anything from them, and A-RISE never released a statement about Muse. I was a little glad. I didn't want anyone to know what happened between me and Tsubasa. I told Kotori and Umi of course, they were my new best friends. But I didn't want the others to know what fakes A-RISE actually were, especially Hanayo and Nico, who idolized them.

It wasn't until the start of the second love live when I realised I wasn't going to be able to avoid her forever. We were clearly advancing through the ranks, and I knew that soon we would be sharing the stage with A-RISE. I didn't know if they had changed in the years, but I did know that if they did anything to mess with my friends I would make them pay. I just had to hope that they forgot about me, forgot about us, and that we could just start over as rivals. Never friends, never anything more, I couldn't let her break my heart again.

I remember when we stood at UTX, watching the huge broadcasting screen. Tsubasa stood tall on the screen, with Anju and Erena. They all looked radiantly beautiful. I was uncomfortable, but I knew I needed to act normal, lest everyone find out what I was hiding. Then a familiar head of chestnut hair appeared in front of me, green met blue, and I swear my heart stopped beating. She smiled at me, like nothing had transpired between us. "Honoka Kousaka right? I've been looking forward to meeting you." Without another word she grabbed my hand and began running, pulling me through the crowd and into the building.

I was impressed at the way she was able to avoid all of her fans, and simultaneously all of the students. She pulled me into a small hallway, practically dragging me in as we watched Hanayo and Nico fly past, screaming about seeing Tsubasa. She laughed. "They really like me huh?" I seethed, wrenching out of her grasp. "Don't, and don't touch me. What do you even want?"

She smiled a little. "This reminds me of the time we ran up the stairs to the shrine. You couldn't keep up with me then, either. Has your idol training not been rigorous enough, because I assure you, A-RISE can handle much more than a few flights of stairs." I nodded. "Yeah, yeah, I really don't care Kira-san. Now tell me what you want so I can find my friends." She laughed again. "Kira-san? Oh come on Honoka i'm pretty sure we're on a first name basis still. Anyway, those are your friends? I remember when I was your only friend. But times change, don't they. People change too." I nodded again. "Yeah sure, but you'll never change. I bet you're just as selfish as you were in middle school,"  
She looked at the floor. "I was pretty selfish that day. And well, that whole three years. But cut me some slack, I was pretty pressured, and that day I was having full on sensory overload, so you can't blame me for what happened." I narrowed my eyes. "I can't blame you?! Are you an idiot? You're the one who left me for them, you're the one who lied to me, and you're the one who didn't even bother to apologize. You left me in the dust for this stupid career of yours."  
She crossed her arms, cocking an eyebrow. "I could say the same for you. You created your own little group, replaced me with Sonoda-san and Minami-san. You don't need me as much as I don't need you." I sighed, not wanting to keep feeding her ego. "Look, i'm gonna go if you don't have anything else you want to say." She stopped me. "No, no, wait. You guys can come out now." I turned to see the other eight members of Muse sheepishly peering around the corner, escorted by Erena and Anju. My blood boiled at the sight of the duo.

Erena, gorgeous as ever, sauntered up to me. "Honoka, long time no see, am I right? Looks like you've finally found your talent, and people who are actually on your level, nice." Anu giggled before Tsubasa yelled. "That's enough! I didn't bring her here for you two to bully her again." Erena laughed, leaning against the wall. "Loosen up Tsubasa, god you're so much different than you used to be."

Maki piped up. "I'm sorry but can someone tell me what the hell is going on?" Anju spoke up. "Well, members of Muse, Honoka and Tsubasa were best friends all of middle school, did ya know that? They were an unstoppable duo. Then Tsubasa realized that me and Erena could get her a lot farther than a half-witted wannabe idol like Honoka. They had a huuuge fight and haven't spoken to each other since until right now."

Nico narrowed her eyes. "How dare you talk about Honoka like that!" Everyone ignored the small girl in favor of looking towards Tsubasa. "Anyway, the reason why I called you here is to offer you something...valuable. I heard you needed a space to do your concert. How about the roof of UTX, with us. Share the stage with us." I shook my head. "Absolutely not, why would I want to share the stage with an awful person like you?" She laughed. "Oh come on, this is your chance to show us up. Show everyone that you're superior. Or, that you're really just a bunch of untalented amateurs trying to compete with professionals. You decide."

She beckoned Erena and Anju, who began walking away. She pushed past me, smiling that stupid little smirk of hers. "I'll see you there." And then she left, leaving us all both starstruck and confused.

The concert was a huge success. Tsubasa was amazing, hell, the whole group was amazing. Their song was perfect. But, we clearly surpassed them in the number of votes. The strange part was, Tsubasa didn't even look surprised or angry. She looked content, almost passive. That's why when I saw her walk away after the show I knew I needed to go find her. Something was up, and I needed to know what it was.

I walked through the halls of UTX, looking for her. I couldn't find her in any of the higher floors, so I walked toward the exit, hoping she might be outside somewhere. Everyone was texting me, but I merely shot off some vague texts telling them that I would see them later. When I ventured outside I knew I made the right choice. There was Tsubasa, still in her performance outfit, crying on a bench. I was upset with her still, but I wasn't about to let someone cry. I walked over, sitting next to her. "You never did take rejection well."

She looked up, tears down her face. "I should have known you would find me here. This isn't going the way it was supposed to. I'm such an idiot." I smiled a little. "Yeah, losing must suck, but it will be okay." She turned to me. "Not that, don't you get it? I'm not upset that I lost, or at least, I thought I wouldn't be…" I frowned. "What is that supposed to mean?" She stood up, gesturing. "I knew I was going to lose, Honoka. I knew it all along. Your group, your friends, you...you're all perfect. You're ten times more talented than we are. But...you wouldn't have won."

I was so confused. "What do you mean we 'wouldn't have won?'" Tsubasa bit her lip. "Honoka...don't you get it by now? I lost on purpose, we lost on purpose. It was all for you, all of this was just for you!" She started crying again, sitting down once more. I narrowed my eyes again. "What the hell are you even going on about?" She laughed. "I knew we would have to run into each other eventually, and I knew you would never forgive me. So i thought that maybe I could give you the shot at winning the love live, and maybe you could forgive me at least a little...I know I was stupid okay?"

I was in shock. "Tsubasa...you gave up your dream...for me?" She grinned. "I know, it's stupid. But I won last year, why not let my best fr-why not let my friend win this year?" I sighed. "If you really want to make it up to me then why were you guys so awful to us yesterday. You looked at us like we were the dirt under your shoes." She chuckled. "Obviously, I had to let you think I still hated you, I had to motivate you to want to win. Be honest, you wouldn't have used our stage if I hadn't challenged you, right?"  
I nodded. "Right." She smiled at me, a genuine smile. "Besides, that stage completely clashed with our outfits and our song choice. I built that for you. All of this was for you Honoka." I leaned back onto the bench. "I'm not saying I forgive you but...I need you to explain yourself. Why? Why did you do that to me? Why did you leave me for them?" She sighed. "I know I was awful, I know I was selfish. I was so blindsided. I just wanted to get what I wanted, and I didn't care who I had to step on, and who I had to hurt. Erena and Anju...they were my stepping stone to the top. I thought I had to take that to win. I was wrong."  
She turned so we were looking at each other. "I was also worried, about what might happen to you. They told me about how demanding and stressful the idol life would be. I was worried about you getting caught up in all that. I've always been worried about you. But, it's different now. Erena and Anju realised what jerks they were to you, and they've been trying to help me get you back ever since. Please, Honoka. Forgive me, forgive us."

I tried to process everything she was saying. I couldn't just...forgive her...could I? She broke my heart, but she did this all for me. She sacrificed her dream for me. I couldn't just let that be a waste. Tsubasa sensed my inner turmoil. "Look at me Honoka. I know you're struggling with this decision but just know, I didn't do this for our friendship." My blood ran cold. "I did this because I love you, i've always loved you so much…"

I gasped. "Tsubasa I…" She shook her head. "I know...I think I even knew back then. Maybe it scared me, and that contributed to me leaving. But that was then and this is now. We are now. Honoka, I love you now! And I know somewhere deep down you love me too!" I looked at her wide eyes, full of tears. She loved me...she loved ME. I had to forgive her, I couldn't let some stupid grudge ruin this. I grabbed Tsubasa's hand, pulling her into a tight hug. "Tsubasa I love you so much i'm so sorry this happened!"  
I rested my head on her back, tears staining her costume. She pulled away, looking at me. "Honoka, let's change things between us. Once the love live is over, let's be together. I know you guys are gonna disband, I heard Nozomi and Eli talking about it before the show. Come on tour with A-RISE, come on tour with me. Please, stay with me, I can't lose you again." I gasped, my eyes filling with tears. "Tsubasa, I promise i'll never leave you again I swear." She pulled me into another hug, full of love rather than sadness.

She pulled away, grabbing my hand again. "Let's go back and talk to the others. I bet they'll be happy for us." I nodded, squeezing her hand, and walking with her into our new future together.

 **It all started when we were kids, innocent, nothing could hurt us then. But it began again once we realised we could overcome anything.**


End file.
